Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
