I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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