it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
