we're blogging at a bar
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
