It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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