I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize