Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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