Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
