Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
