I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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