I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
