stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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