when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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