I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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