somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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