She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
