Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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