I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
