Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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