maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
