he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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