He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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