In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
