This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
