Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
