There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
