Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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