If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
