I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I AM VODKA MAN
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
