Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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