New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it glows. i had to have it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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