my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
