Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
