oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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