I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
