I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
