y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize