drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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