Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
