I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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