My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
