chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
