wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
