Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
