you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
