I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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