now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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