I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
