I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just threw up on my dentist
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
