you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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