i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
