So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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