I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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