Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
