is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
