Quick, to the slutcave!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
