Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
