my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
