i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
