Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
