Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
