No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
