Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
