What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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