the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize