I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
