Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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