If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
